Grow, Flower, Recover.

Be kind to yourself while blooming. I know sometimes it feels like your soul doesn’t always fit. It’s all a part of the process.

she/her/herself



so sorry i haven’t been on lately

"I distinctly remember
being twelve
and spending my mornings
ripping up toilet paper
to stuff in a training bra.
my mother told me that
I was beautiful,
that it wasn’t what I had
or
what I didn’t have
on the outside
that made me beautiful.
so I stopped.
and the girls at school giggled
and the boys rolled their eyes
when I told them what my mother said.
“only ugly girls say that”
they told me.
that day,
I learnt that it was ugly
to be comfortable in my own
natural
body.
that if I truly believed
that my inner self
was beautiful,
that I believed
that my thoughts mattered
or
that my words were more important
than what size jeans I wore
I was ugly.
so let me be ugly.
let my words ring loud
let my love for myself
be bigger
than my love for any boy.
make me as hideous as you can
because I want to be heard
I want to make a difference
in something other
than my bmi.
I want to teach you,
the girls who giggled,
and the boys that rolled their eyes
that you can paint me
the ugliest colour in the world
and in the end
it won’t be that that saves me
or chooses who I am
but the words I spoke
and the things I learned.
so make me ugly;
and I will be beautiful.
"

— a.b.h. (via growflowerrecover)
"If I had to describe an eating disorder, I would resemble it to a drug addiction. Now, imagine a drug addict trying to quit in a society that’s advertising new drugs while promising amazing highs all over the internet, on YouTube, Facebook, in TV, on the bus passing you right as you’re battling yourself whether to get your fix or go straight home. A society in which you can barely have a conversation without drugs being mentioned; how many you did yesterday, how amazing it felt, which drugs you want to try next. Surrounded by the mentality that it’s embarrassing, weird, lazy, even a sin not to do drugs.
So, if you know someone who’s suffering from an eating disorder please restrain from bringing up topics like what diet your mom’s trying, how much you run, body image, what you eat or should eat, how you haven’t been hungry these last few days. Because what you’re doing is increasing the already life consuming, constant urges. Even if you aren’t asking if your friend wants to go for a run or even if the sufferer is the one bringing up these topics, you’re supporting the eating disordered thoughts, it’s triggering. Because we want to get our fix so badly and any excuse to get it, any tiny suggestion that getting high is fine, makes the fight ten times harder. It may be okay for you, but we’ve grown out of control and although I think society has as well, us suffering from an eating disorder needs the exact opposite of what society is yelling and pushing down everyone’s throat.
"

— (via venomveinsandcadaverheart)
More people need to read this. (via freeingeileen)

(via kittensandlove)

panic/anxiety attack

jaspinder:

  • breath in for 4 seconds
  • hold your breath for 7 seconds
  • exhale breath for 8 seconds

repeat once or twice more.

This causes an autonomic nervous system shift from a sympathetic (fight or flight reaction) state to a parasympathetic response.

Use this for panic/anxiety attacks, exams, presentations.

(via ill-get-through-this)

ladiesagainstproana:

  • Coming to terms with emotional trauma
  • To feel true happiness again
  • To be fulfilled regardless of size
  • Being able to feel warm out in the sun
  • Forming healthy relationships with friends, families and/or romantic partners
  • Being able to say you survived
  • To enjoy food…
Breathing and grounding exercises to help you calm down
Deep Breathing:
Put your hands on your stomach and breathe in for 7 seconds hold for 5 seconds out for 10 seconds as you feel your stomach rise and fall. Keep repeating as often as you need to.

The 5-4-3-2-1 game:
Out loud state 5 things you feel; 4 things you see; 3 things you smell; 2 things you hear; and one thing you smell. Repeat until you are calmer.

Physical Grounding:
Sit down in a chair, with your back straight and your feet firmly planted on the ground. Feel how the ground feels under your feet, how the chair you are sitting on feels, how your body feels. Focus on the sensations from your body touching the ground and the chair.

Meditation:
Lie back. Get comfortable. Close your eyes. Try to clear your mind and let all thoughts go through without paying attention to them. Acknowledge the thoughts, but don't let them gain control. While you meditate it helps to do the deep breathing exercise at the same time.

"

TO-DO LIST FOR THE DEPRESSED

1). Wash your sheets, change your pillow case, wash your blankets. Wash away all the days you’ve spent withering in bed crying. Wash the tears off your pillowcase. Wash away the sad skin cells. Wash away the darkness.

2). Take a shower today. Brush your teeth. Make yourself a good breakfast and remind yourself that you deserve to eat. Dress to impress— yourself. Do whatever makes you feel put together, even if you’re not leaving the house.

3). Water your plants and remind yourself that you love them even though they’re not growing quickly. The same should go for yourself.

4). Feed your pets and remind yourself that there will be no one to love them if you commit suicide. Know that there is no one your cat purrs louder around and there is no one your dog’s face lights up for but you.

5). Return all the things you’ve been meaning to return. Return the clothes that make you feel fat. Return the clothes that make you feel ugly. Return your sick clothes. Throw them away if you need to. Let go if you need to. Cry if you need to and remember why you kept them for so long, but know that it is okay to let them go now. Return your cynicism to the cold boy who taught you it was better to love nothing. Make him feel how warm your heart is now without him.

6). Get new curtains. Close them. Close your eyes. Open them. Pull away the curtains. Let yourself reminded that there may be things in life you can’t control, but how much light enters your room is something you can control. The same can be said for your soul. You decide how much light you let in. You decide how many people you let in. You decide how many people you let help you. You decide how you love and who you love. Let that sink in for a moment.

7). Let yourself float in water. You only drown when you panic. Lie on your back and relax. Even on days when you can’t function, remind yourself that all you have to do is float. As long as you are breathing, you are alive.

"

5:42 p.m. (To-do list on days I can’t function)

it’s cool that this is going around again because i actually have spoken word of it!! and it’s on an album!! 

(via angryasianfeminist)

(via finding-happiness-in-the-dark)